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Sex: A Love Story

Marc Gafni » Books and Telecourses » Eros-Ethics-Meaning » Sexuality » Wisdom for Your Week » Sex: A Love Story

marc gafni, kristina kincaid, A Return to Eros, amazonWe need to realize that Sex is a love story. Not an ordinary love story. But an outrageous Love Story. An Erotic love story. Outrageous Love is Eros. Ordinary love is legitimate but it is limited in the gift it can give you. In this world that incarnation of the divine movement called Outrageous Love is the perpetual divine love making. Participate in that perpetual movement of reality’s lovemaking through your body and the result is not ordinary sex, but outrageous erotic sex. Enter into the inside of sex and you will find God, the sacred lover and gorgeous divine slut of the Cosmos. The inside of sex is outrageous love. The Inside of Sex is Outrageous Eros.

Ordinary love is a strategy of the ego. It may win you comfort and some measure of illusory security but it will never take you home. Home is the experience that there is no place to go because you have already arrived. Home is the knowing that every place you go you are being carried. Only outrageous love takes you home.

Outrageous love is evolutionary impulse that drives the entire evolutionary process. Outrageous love is the dance of attraction at the very subatomic level of existence.

Outrageous love is the field of allurement, at every level of reality, from atom, to plant, to animal, to human, that holds all of creation together. When the very Eros of existence is awakened you, you are transformed into your true nature. You awaken as an outrageous lover. You are lived as love. You are living an erotic life. Sex transforms from the pitiful grasping for fleeting fulfillment that is not working for virtually anyone, to something else entirely. Sex is revealed as the potent prose and poetry of reality itself incarnate as your body and your desire.  Sex is revealed as the source of all wisdom that points us towards the erotic and the holy in every dimension of life. Sex teaches you how to awaken as an outrageous lover.

The erotic and the holy are one. The qualities of Eros are the qualities of the sacred. The goal is to re-eroticize all of your life. Your teacher and your guide is the sexual. The sexual is the seat of all wisdom. That is what we mean when we say the sexual models the erotic.

In the upcoming chapters through the end of Part Two, we will explore in depth the Secret of the Cherubs. At the heart of the secret is the new sexual narrative: sex erotic. These chapters form the essence of the Secret of the Cherubs. Parts Three, Four, and Five will explore the twelve faces of Eros–erotic qualities that are, at the same time, both characteristics of Eros and paths to Eros.

Each face of Eros is an expression of a different texture of radical aliveness. When all of these awaken in you, you are living an erotic life. Each face is a portal through which to return to Eros. The twelve faces are:

  • The First Face: Interiority: Living on the Inside
  • The Second Face: Fullness of Presence
  • The Third Face: Yearning and Desire
  • The Fourth Face: Wholeness and Interconnectivity
  • The Fifth Face: Uniqueness and Identity
  • The Sixth Face: Imagination
  • The Seventh Face: Perception
  • The Eighth face: Giving and Receiving
  • The Ninth Face: Surrender
  • The Tenth Face: Play
  • The Eleventh Face: Creativity
  • The Twelfth Face: Pleasure and Delight

The experience of being radically alive comes from all of these faces of Eros taken together. To live the erotic life is to have the most potent and powerful access to each of these faces. In each of them, sex is our teacher. It is our portal to accessing the radically alive experience of each face. But our experience of the faces does not end in their sexual expression. Quite the opposite. It is all about sex and not about sex all. Sex models Eros. It does not exhaust Eros. Sex models each of the faces of Eros, and in so doing, gives us a vision of what it might mean to live them fully in every dimension of our lives.

It would be a great tragedy of the spirit if the only place where we experienced the faces of Eros was in the sexual. That would be to relegate Eros to the narrow confines of the bedroom, when it needs to soar through our kitchens, our offices, our carpools, our classrooms!

In erotic living, we seek the realization of these qualities in every dimension of our existence. From work, to play, to politics, to intellectual pursuit — in all of these we seek erotic experience. Erotic engagement could become our daily fare if we just freed our Eros from its old casing. These hand-me-down ideas of an Eros that is only about sex have become threadbare. We must reweave the fabric. The full pleasure of living, the joy of fullness and creativity, can come only when we re-eroticize our lives. Until then, human beings will turn to the shadows of Eros — rage, abuse, and violence — to remind themselves, through the intensity of those experiences that they exist.

Dr. Marc GafniDr. Kristina KincaidAn excerpt from an unedited draft of the forthcoming book A Return to Eros: On Sex, Love, and Eroticism in Every Dimension of Life, from Drs. Marc Gafni and Kristina Kincaid. The book reveals the radical secret tenets of relationship between the sexual, the erotic, and the holy. They reveal what Eros actually means and share the ten core qualities of the Erotic, which are modeled by the sexual. These include being on the inside, fullness of presence, yearning, allurement, fantasy, surrender, creativity, pleasure, and more.

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